Experiencing emotion is the core of many emotional change processes.  In many situations in therapy, arousing emotions seems to be an important precondition to changing emotions. 

Changing emotion requires experiencing it.

~Leslie Greenberg, 2002~

"Emotion Focussed Therapy"

Emotions are based in the present, but they are influenced by the past.  The past lives on in the present to the degree that the past influences a person's experience of current events.  People's current reactions to circumstances and relationships often are forged from their emotional history.

~Luborsky & Crits-Christoph, 1990~

When some feature of an event seems similar to an emotionally charged memory from the past, the emotional mind responds by triggering the feelings that went with the remembered event.  The emotional mind reacts to the present as though it were the past.  Thoughts and reactions at this moment will take on the colouration of thoughts and reactions then, even though it may seem that the reaction is due solely to the circumstance of the moment.

~Daniel Goleman, 1996~

"Emotional Intelligence"

Emotional Expression Helps Healing

Perhaps the most important, but most misunderstood reason for unacceptable behaviour is because a child is suffering stress or unhealed trauma. When a child is feeling stressed (from such things as sibling rivalry, shared parenting, parental stress or illness, a breakdown in relationships, pressure from school, etc) or re-experiencing an unhealed trauma, (such as birth trauma, hospitalisation during infancy, an insecure attachment style, the mother’s post natal depression, or abuse) rather than verbal expression, they tend to show their feelings through their behaviour. It is at these times that a child needs a stress-free environment, reassurance, closeness and love rather than punishment, lecturing or rewarding.

Sometimes this is not sufficient to change the child’s behaviour. Luckily, children naturally know how to heal by releasing pent-up emotions through play, laughter, crying and raging. Our role is to support these natural stress-release mechanisms, which allow healthy outlets for anger, fear or grief. Children who cry and rage about seemingly insignificant events are usually attempting to heal from earlier trauma. Encouraging these natural emotional release processes, rather than attempting to divert, distract or put a lid on them, is essential to the healing process.

Allowing children to express and feel the energy of their emotions brings emotional healing and enhances positive mental health.  In our western culture we often fear, hide or ignore emotions, especially unpleasant ones.  How often have we heard statements like, "Don't cry, you're a big girl now", "You're tough, you'll be alright" or even, "Stop jumping around and making silly noises"?  Comments like these teach children very early on that it's not appropriate to cry or even show excitement and what's worse, that there is no place for difficult emotions, so they must be pushed inside.  These unapproved and avoided feelings of pain or excitement become repressed in the body.  Under pressure or when stressed these feelings either burst out like a volcano or cause illness, physical aches & pains, anxiety or even depression.

Parents, teachers and caregivers are often trying to protect their child from feeling painful difficult emotions or may even feel their child is trying to manipulate them.  Additionally, their child's pain may even trigger their own embarrassment, insecurities, fears or memories.  However, by distracting or pushing down a child's emotional expression we are really taking from them the body's own natural healing mechanism and also losing an opportunity to teach our child that emotions are a normal part of everyday life, how to regulate them and how to release them in a safe way.

If you'd like to know more about how to support children in safe emotional release, check out our Parenting Workshops or our series for Child professionals called "Creating Conscious Connections with Children", especially "Tears & Tantrums".

Words explaining the need to say how she feels from a 10 year old client. Mandala of "My Body Strength" after Emotional Release.  This client was able to finally voice how she actually felt about a family friend.

Using art process to express emotions in an adult client.

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