"The attachment we experience in our first close relationship, usually the mother-infant relationship, forms the foundation for much that happens subsequently.  We form a mental representation of our experience of being loved and cared for in an intimate context.

As adults, what remains with us from our earliest attachment is a system of beliefs, images and emotions about ourselves in loving relationships."

Willemsen & Marcel

Secure Attachment

Attachment research points to the importance of the parent-child relationship in shaping children’s interactions with other children, their sense of security about exploring the world, their resilience to stress, their ability to balance their emotions, their capacity to have a coherent story that makes sense in their lives and their ability to create meaningful relationships in the future. Attachment lays a foundation for how a child comes to approach the world, and a healthy attachment in the early years provides a secure base from which children can learn about themselves and others.

The bond between parent and child is the child's primary source of emotional health.  It gives your child the capacity to have satisfying relationships for the rest of his or her life.  A weak or anxious bond could reverberate through your child's entire life in the form of low self-esteem, impaired relationships and the inability to seek help or ask for it in effective ways.  Research indicates that over one third of children in middle class families suffer from anxious attachments to their parents.  This insecure attachment tends to be transmitted from one generation to another.

Every parent wants to know what early experiences enable a child to feel that the world is a positive place.  We ask oursevles how a child becomes equipped with enough confidence to explore, to develop healthy peer relationships and to rebound from adversity.  We seek to know what builds a child who sees himself or herself as being loved, loving and valuable.  We wonder, "Do I have what it takes to raise a secure child?  What can I do to support my child or change myself?"  Today with parents spending less time in the home and families being reconsituted in new shapes and combinations, it is time to create rituals that foster conscious connections.

Secure attachment is created by the subtle quality of adult-child interactions.  It does not happen because a parent holds, feeds, bathes or responds to an infant's cries.  It is based on how the adult responds.  We have all had the experience of talking with a spouse or friend who looks as though he or she is listening, but something is missing.  Conversely, we have had experiences with spouses and friends when we felt that a wholeness was present - that they were truly 'there' and that we were attuned to the moment and each other.  This connection is at the heart of our bonding with children and with each other.

Some people worry that our early years can create our destiny.  However, research shows that relationships with parents can change and as they do, the child’s attachment changes.  This means that it’s never too late to create positive change in a child’s life.  A nurturing relationship with someone other than the parent, in which the child feels understood and safe, also provides an important source of resilience.  Relationships with relatives, teachers, child care providers and counsellors can provide an important source of connection and resilience for the growing child.

Would you like to learn how to respond consciously to your child and build a bond that lasts a lifetime?  Check out our workshops, "Parenting from the Inside Out".